Happily Chasity — “Don’t Make It Pretty”
Confessions of a Tilted Crown was created to provide a voice to numerous experiences through the lens of faith. In finding my voice, I’ve learned that helping others do the same is just as important. My cousin Happily Chasity is a woman who I’ve grown with for the last decade or so. As the owner of the Yellow Hammock Juice Bar, 2020 has been a breakout year for Chasity when it comes to utilizing her many gifts and talents. As a worshipper, prayer partner, and everyday comedian, my relationship with this amazing woman has spilled over into numerous capacities in my life. Chasity has become one of my best-friends, and it is an honor and privilege to introduce her as one of the guest writers for the CFTC brand. Please check out her first entry:
I realize I have a problem. I often times expect people to read my mind; to know what I need. Here’s the reality, people aren’t mind readers, even those of us that God uses prophetically. Even more-so, there are certain spaces that only God can fill. As I lay here, after crying tears that are six months old, I wonder does it really get easier or do you just get numb? After losing (I hate to say losing cause it seems like a failure but back to my story) my Dad (grandfather who raised me), I know I’ve felt more pain than I have in my life.
Grief comes in waves; ebs and flows. You are fine all day, then suddenly you realize a single tear roll down your face; followed by another, until your face begins to tell a story of a man you loved with your entire soul. You will never forget those final moments with him, it plays over and over like a jammed cassette. “Remember the good times,” they say. Honestly as nice and “pretty” as it is, it’s not helpful. Not because the words are trash nor their sentiments, I’m just not a fan of candy-coating. Instead tell me, ‘“Yes, I know you feel like grief has given you a bear hug that won’t let go. It makes normal breathing labored; but I’m here. You don’t have to pretend for me. Simply be. I’m here.” This is what your friend needs to hear, when he’s lost a parent to a heart attack, a teammate to suicide or even their job because of COVID.
Don’t make it pretty! We know it’s ugly and a dress on a pig never makes it a princess. Recognize the ugly and assure the person you love that the ugliness won’t encourage you to let go of their hand. “ I am here for you, even if the mud comes up to your hips.” There’s beauty in allowing the ugly to show. It will then allow those you love to recognize what they are looking at, clearly.
So Chasity, “This is pretty somber, give me some hope.” But of course, here comes the silver, wait…. PLATINUM lining. Proverbs 11:25 says, “The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.”
So as I experienced life and all it liberally gave, I had other friends/family members in my life; who has also seen 2020 deliver them a generous portion of ugly too. Because I knew what I was feeling, I knew I couldn’t keep residence there and that helping or encouraging someone else was a helpful remedy. I began to redirect my focus from my own pain, to bringing hope to someone else. Would you know, it started working! That in addition to letting Jesus in those ugly spots, without reservation, allowed me to experience relief. Even God doesn’t want the filtered, cute version of our feelings; He wants the raw, ugly, real version. It is in those times, He’s able to fix us; the real us. Vulnerability can be a “cuss word” to many of us because it forces you to be naked with the possibility of remaining unclothed. That seems like a gamble, right? It is, BUT the other side is authenticity in relationships with both people and God. So don’t dress it up; don’t make it pretty.
