#ThrowbackThursday: Give Me Grace For My Thorn
So I decided that I would go into some of my old material and post a #ThrowbackThursday piece every once in a while. I’ve learned a lot since starting my first blog almost 10 years ago so it’s been crazy to go back and read some of the material. The first post is extremely personal and still teaches me something new whenever I read it. I think posting it now is important because even though most of us are were extremely encouraged at the beginning of the year, many of us have fell weary and are exhausted from battles. I know this year has been rough however, 2020 isn’t over; in fact we’re only in second quarter. God still has EIGHT months left to blow your mind!
The Bloodiest Season Ever: Give Me Grace for My Thorn
At the end of the summer (2016) I attended a funeral for one of my high school student’s mom. This woman was an amazing mother that I have known for the last 5.5 years. I can’t get over the fact that she won’t be here to see her baby walk across the stage and receive her high school diploma…she also won’t be here to see her daughter get her college degree, get married or have her first child. As I sat in the back of the church in complete disbelief that we had gathered to pay our final respects to one of my favorite parents, the pastor began to speak of a familiar passage. I sat next to my homies in disbelief that this had come back up again at such a sad time. But I knew it was a sign. I had to share with everyone else the lesson that God had provided me with months before this moment. So here I am and here we go….
The last few months (honestly this particular situation is more of a “All my life I had to fight” type circumstance) I have been battling for my life. I am fighting for my freedom, for my right to be treated with the respect that I deserve and pushing towards becoming the very best me that I can be. In a number of months, I have come so far and I have worked on truly refocusing my idle energy into the positive places of my life…but I have this thorn.
I was born with a thorn that sometimes causes me affliction, deep in my body and other times this same thorn causes me no pain at all. I have days where I just can’t deal; in those moments I wish I was someone else because the thought of having to deal with this pain just makes me sick to my stomach. Other days I am consciously aware that I am a lot stronger because of my ability to endure this thorn. Some days my thorn mocks me, it has belittled me and made me feel lower than dirt. I don’t trust this thorn to do anything but cause me pain because of its very fickle nature. All I have known it to do, all my life is cause me distress, anguish and disappointment. I know the character of my thorn well.
There’s this dude in the Bible who I like to believe is the perfect example of what God is calling me to be: his name is Paul the Apostle ( or the heathen formally known as Saul of Tarsus). When it comes to people in the good book, Paul is definitely the person that I see myself in the most. He was a hot, ratchet, filthy mess…BUT GOD saw the product even before Paul experienced the process. God saw what Paul was destined to be even when Paul couldn’t understand why God chose him. Paul was converted at a time where he was at his absolute lowest (Acts 9.) When God found me in my mess and I was converted, I was in the lowest place of my life. Low self esteem, no self worth, no identity, lost in the world. I had gone from thinking about committing suicide to actually having vision of how and when I was going to do it. God came and got me, knocked the wind out of me, changed my life. Since that day in 2008, I have never been the same.
So fast forward to 2 Corinthians 12, Paul shares the vision that God gave him. In verse 6 Paul continues to go on and begins to talk about the thorn that he has been called to bear:
6 If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it, because I don’t want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, 7 even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. 8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
When researching Paul’s thorn further I found out that nobody knows whether or not the thorn was an actual physical thorn or more so a metaphor he used to explain an emotional or spiritual burden that he carried. I believe that God left this thorn as ambiguous as possible in order to create an opportunity for each and everyone of us to have something to relate to. The truth is, we all have our own thorn that bothers us. For some it is a struggle with understanding your worth, for others it is the residue of a parent’s sin that we feel that we have been plagued to carry; for some it might be a disability or disease and for many of us it is a missing parent who has left you feeling like you were unloved and uncared for. I have learned that there are things in life that we have no control over, especially when it comes to the things that other people do and say to us. BUT GOD has equipped us with more than enough grace to overcome and be all that He has destined us to be, regardless of our thorns.
When I look at this the passage about the thorn, I am reminded that God is not only a good Father, but that He knows much better than what we will ever be able to understand. Even in my moments of weakness, God knows what I am capable of handling. The moment that I begin to believe otherwise I am nothing more than Eve standing in the garden, naked and ashamed because I have partaken in the forbidden fruit. I have learned through my connection to Paul that my prayer shouldn’t necessarily be one that is focused on removing my thorn but instead I am reminded that God is sovereign and even pain has a way of teaching us the sobering truth. If I didn’t have to go through the process whose to say that I wouldn’t be gullible enough to believe that everything I have and everything I am is because of my own doing? The thorn isn’t mine to carry but I have the dominion to overcome.
So today my prayers is this: Father, thank You for providing me with the grace that is necessary to make my way through this season. Though I don’t understand everything that happens to me in my life, thank you for providing me with hope for a better tomorrow and reminding me that you are indeed my source. As you used Paul’s life to be an example, use me as your vessel. Everything that I am and will ever become is because of you. Let me never forget that on my best day, I will still need you just as much as I did on my worse day. Last but not least, thank you for loving me enough to give me divine revelation. Amen
I pray this post reminds you that there is grace for everything that comes your way, when you seek the Father first. You can and you will overcome.
To my kid, my Noodle as I like to call her, my prayer is that you continue to persevere in the face of adversity. There is still so much for you to accomplish here on this earth! You are loved by so many and know that wherever I am will always be your home. I love you, forever and a day! ❤️
